Seth Meyers on Pence: ‘That clueless guy you date who could not understand you were dumping him’ | Late-night TV roundup

Seth Meyers

Seth Meyers continued to digest the January 6 public hearings, which have established that if Donald Trump “gets the chance, he’ll absolutely finish the coup he started on January 6,” the Late Night host said.

In an angry speech at a Republican convention in Nashville over the weekend, Trump told the crowd: “If I become president someday, if I decide to do it, I will be looking at them very, very seriously for pardons.”

“Trump is so bad at playing coy,” Meyers noted. “If he had a fan he’d cut a hole in it so you could still see his mouth.

“One thing we’re learning from this investigation is that the coup was much more sinister than that pic of the dude jacking the podium,” Meyers added. “If the rioters had the chance, they would’ve done the same thing to Mike Pence.

“I feel like, as a nation, we haven’t all fully appreciated the degree to which the president basically almost got the vice-president killed,” he continued. “It feels like something you only read in history books, like the Burr/Hamilton duel. Of course, if Trump and Pence ever dueled, one thing would be certain: Trump ain’t doing the full 10 paces.”

Yet “everyone seems to have moved on from the threat to Pence, and that includes Pence himself.” Meyers noted that a week ago, Pence tweet-bragged about his record in the Trump administration, proving that “Pence is like thatless guy you date in college who could not understand that clue you were dumping him.”

Stephen Colbert

After addressing the arrest last week of seven Late Show staffers at the Capitol for loitering – “The Capitol police were just doing their job, [and] my staff was just doing their job” in filming a segment for the puppet character Triumph the Insult Comic Dog – Stephen Colbert turned toward the subject of Tuesday’s third January 6 hearing: Trump’s plan to overturn the 2020 election via an “alternate electors” scheme.

“Sad to say, so much has changed in Washington that the Capitol police do have to stay at high alert at all times because of the attack on January 6,” said Colbert. “And as the hearings prove more clearly every day, the blame for that actual insurrection all lies with Putin’s puppet.”

As the committee will detail, the Trump administration planned to send fake electors from the states Biden won to declare themselves the “real” electors, via false electoral college certificates. “Did they really think that was going to work?” Colbert wondered. “Why not just have the former president show up to the inauguration in a rubber Joe Biden mask and try to fool Justice Roberts into swearing him in again?”

Trump also “tried to downplay his failed coup”, Colbert continued, by referring to January 6 in his speech as a “simple protest that got out of hand”, and complained that people ignored “the size of the crowd – I believe that it was the largest number of people I’ve ever spoken to.”

“Who cares about the size of the damn crowd!” Colbert exclaimed. “That’s like Jeffrey Dahmer saying ‘I know I murdered a bunch of people, but look how many leftovers I have.’ It was really just a potluck that got out of hand.”’”

Leave a Comment